Masterchef

“A franchise that has been stretched a year too far with John and Gregg, whose credentials for judging brilliance in the kitchen have always seemed somewhat sketchy, becoming ever greater parodies of themselves.”

John Crace, The Guardian

Masterchef New Zealand - The Final

Watching Ross, the rude fat bloke and the scary bloke in glasses judge the final... And all I can think is... I miss Gary, George & Matt from the Australian show.

Masterchef New Zealand #2

Finding the New Zealand version of Masterchef hilarious, but for all the wrong reasons. And by 'hilarious' I mean 'crap.'

My wife summed up the experience of watching the show really well, despite having watched every episode of the series so far, it still feels like you are are joining it in the middle and don't know or care who any of hopefuls are. 

And none of them can cook. I mean... at all. 

Not doing the image of New Zealand food any favours.

And why does Ross Burden talk like an out of control Speak and Spell? He makes William Shatner's famous stilted delivery sound flowing and natural. 

So why watch? 

I guess because like with any car crash TV its difficult to look away. There is a strange and morbid fascination with just how naff it can get. It's not bad... just feels like it's a version of Masterchef done by a load of media students.

Masterchef New Zealand is on Watch. 

Great Carrots

Went down to the farmers market this morning. It was pretty quiet thanks to stinking North London weather but there was some fantastic produce to be found. 


Vegetables covered in mud, clearly fresh out of the ground, begging to be cooked. There is something very exciting about seeing a knobly carrot, a parsnip or a potato covered in mud, wet from the rain and just waiting to be taken home and cooked. Well, there is to me anyway.


Compare that to the carrots that you get from a supermarket. All the same size, all the same shape, straight, boring... dull. Of course I've bought carrots, and other veg, from a super market just saying I prefer the ones from the market. 


Also managed to get a smoked ham hock... which is also very exciting and I might well post about tomorrow when I've worked out what to do with it. Is it a little sad that I get excited by pork and carrots? Probably... 

New Job

So I got a new job. Which is great, but already Confessions has taken a hit. It's difficult to keep up this very high level of writing and insight while doing a job. He says... coughing... Ill try and keep the posting up because I love it, just need to juggle the cooking, eating, digesting and posting with the job.

Angry Dumplings

We are having a long slow cook beef stew tonight, which my wife is cooking. It was my job to make the dumplings... According to my wife they look angry. I'm not sure what an 'angry dumpling' looks like... but to be fair she is probably right.

Valentines Day Lunch

A long walk and then into the Rose & Crown. Simple, uncomplicated, good proper pub food.

A couple of pints and the woman I love.

What more could a man ask for on V Day?

A sharing sausage platter of four distinctly different sausages, one a white chicken and three pork, sparky sauerkraut, a selection of mustards and hot, crunchy, properly salted chips. Perfect with a beer... perfect to share... perfect lunch.

Sunday Dinner... Fail

There is an REM song where Michael Stipe's lyrics go 'sometimes I feel that I can't even sing...' Clearly he can sing. Beautifully. But sometimes I feel that I can't cook and I get very frustrated with my own clumsiness and lack of creativity, the inability to handle flavour and make ingredients sing.

That's why, I guess, that I'm the amateur flailing round my kitchen and I'm so in awe of some of the truly great chefs whose restaurants I've eaten in. A great cook is like watching a great jazz player... it's instinctive, it comes from somewhere else. I'd settle to be just be able to be a decent cook.

Yesterday I made a traditional Sunday lunch. Roast beef, pink, with roast baby parsnips in butter, a little sugar and thyme, mash with fresh horseradish, roasted carrots and a gravy from the pan juices, red wine and stock. It was nice. My wife liked it. It looked good. But for some reason I wasn't happy. It felt clumsy, heavy and too rich. I suppose in cooking if you throw enough butter at something, some flavour will stick.

Maybe I'm just a little tired of the heavier, earhier, winter flavours and am looking forward to some spring lightness... maybe I'm just being a little grumpy... maybe 'sometimes I feel that I can't even cook.'

Masterchef

Gregg Wallace yesterday.

Masterchef is back and this year it’s… different. From the trailers and the press it looks like they are taking a much closer approach to the Australian format, complete with auditions and a cast of characters that we get to follow through out. Great… that worked really well down under.

The set looks closer to the Oz version too, complete with a balcony for the judges to quite literally look down on the hapless contestants from.

Surely for one who so closely resembles Humpty Dumpty, Gregg Wallace would be a little more wary of heights. Faced with countless weeks of Gregg’s dessert eating/sex face I’m filled with a mixture of delight and horror. But probably more horror.

Masterchef is on BBC 1 form this Wednesday. 

Hangover Cure #1

If only real hangovers where this twee.

Last night I met a few mates and fellow new fathers for a cheeky friday night pint at the local. I don't remember it being a big night. In fact apart for the beer I had before I went out, the three pints in the pub and then the two more beers I had when I got home... I hardly drank anything.

Oh....

So not surprisingly this morning I woke up with a hangover, about 4 on the HO scale. 1 is barely a hangover at all and is dealt with by brushing your teeth, a cold shower and black coffee. 10 is the full on pneumatic drill behind the eyes, explosive gastric track distress and a total conviction that you want to drown quietly and quickly in a vat of the your own self pity. So 4 is a slight feeling of wanting to nap and the need for something hot and ever so slightly greasy for breakfast. 4 is livable with. Just.

This morning that meant my take on Welsh Rarebit. Welsh Rarebit, is basically, posh cheese on toast and traditionally is cooked with brown ale or cider and some flour, but this morning the last thing I thought I needed was more alcohol (although hair of the dog is probably exactly what I did need) so I omitted that ingredient.

'Not real Welsh Rarebit,' I hear you cry, 'a pale imitation' I hear you moan, to which I reply 'sod off I've still got a bit of a hangover and am in no mood to argue about recipes.'


Take a couple of good handfuls of strong cheddar finely grated, mix in two egg yolks, a good teaspoon of english mustard, couple of hearty dashes of Worcester Sauce and a dollop of creme freche to loosen the mixture up (if you are using ale of cider you don't need to had the creme freche.) Spread the mixture on thick slices of sour dough bread. Grill to golden brown. Eat with a dollop of tomato ketchup and start the process of recovery.

528 Views... the 1000 View Challenge

To my personal astonishment I've had over 500 views. Looking at the stats it would appear... like certain New Romantic bands from the mid 80's... I'm quite big in Eastern Europe.

Thank you... thank you whoever you are for taking some time to read Confessions... feel free to leave comments.

So here is the deal... if I make 1000 views by the end of the month, Ill post a video. I have no idea what of, but if there is something you want to see, leave a comment. I also have little idea how to do it but I'm sure I can work it out. I'm up for the challenge if you are...

Dinner on Thursday Night

Tonight is a Marks & Spencer special accompanied by Absolut for me, a cheeky glass or two of Sauvignon Blanc for my wonderful wife and a new regime in Egypt rolling out live on BBC News. I know packaged food is rubbish, salty, fatty, dead food... but today defeated my desire to cook. I'm having some kind of odd looking beef stew and my wife is having a fish pie.

Umami

Some people still think that Umami, the fifth taste, is like the Loch Ness Monster or fairies at the bottom of your garden... something nice to believe in, but ultimately a fantasy.

How wrong can you be... Umami is the savoury taste that sits alongside sweet, sour, bitter and salty. It's the flavour of Parmesan, cooked tomato and, rather gruesomely, caramelised blood and meat juices. (That's why a steak or a perfectly cooked medium rare burger tastes so very good...)

It's real, it exists, and it will give a savoury punch to any stew, casserole and even gravy. Cumin and Star Anise both have high levels of Umami which is why I tend to use both a lot in meat cookery, so do cooked mushrooms, caramelised onions, anchovy, Worcester sauce and, of course, Soy sauce... the stuff is everywhere.

And now someone has bottled the stuff... or more accurately... put it in a tube. Worth a try... I've used it and it's one of those handy stand buys to have in your fridge to give any brown sauce, stew or casserole a bit of a kick. Taste No 5: Umami Paste can be found here... http://www.laurasanttini.com/home.html and it's also available in Waitrose.

Man V Food Wants You

I might love my high end dining, all white pressed table clothes, perfect service and incredible wines, but sometimes I just want something to stuff my face with, something that will result in greasy fingers and a satisfying attack of heart burn.

Preferably that something is covered in melted cheese, high in fat and salt, comes wedged between two halves of a bun and is served with fries and several ice cold beers. I'm talking burgers... or chicken wings... or proper Pizza from New York... or hot dogs from Time's Square... or burritos from a road side stand somewhere in Southern California.

You might call that junk food... but when the mood takes me I call that heaven.

The king of that kind of Americana food, at least when it comes to eating it in vast quantities, is one Mr Adam Richman host of the Travel Channels Man V Food. The man (and his colon) are quite incredible. Not only does he tackle the stomach cramping quantities of food with obvious joy and excitement but he comes across as a totally nice bloke. It's not really a food show... and it certainly isn't about cooking... but it is totally watchable.

And now MVF want's you. Details... here... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjWJhA_4M9g

In the UK Man v Food is on Good Food Channel. Thanks to my bro for forwarding the youtube link. Right... I'm off for a burger the size of a small dog.

The Perfect Roast Chicken

Lunch.

This is how I do my perfect roast chicken. You may do it differently and, lord knows, it's a dish that is open to many different variations, but this is what works for me.

So for the basics... get a free range, organic chicken. If it doesn't cost you at least a tenner... why bother? A cheap, supermarket chicken, for under a fiver is a disgusting affront to the animal, to cooking and the idea of good food. The poor bloody bird will have lived it's life in pain and misery... and that is not acceptable and, what's more, it will have a pappy, fatty texture and no taste.

I know... I know... we live in difficult times. Money is tight. And I get as fed up as anyone seeing multi millionaire chefs on the TV bang on about how you must spend the equivalent of most peoples monthly food budget on a single bottle of olive oil or you are a complete arse.

But buy a decent chicken and you will get two, maybe three meals out of it. Buy a cheap one and you get... very little. Maybe wind. And some things should cost a little more... it's a living animal, a living thing and deserves to be treated, and eaten, with respect.

Ok... off my soap box and back to how to cook the damn thing.

First I like to get my knife out and do some very basic butchery. I think it makes the bird look neater, but also maximises the flavour by creating a meaty trivet while minimising the amount of fat that can leach out, but it's also quite possible that I like to show off with sharp knives.

Trim off the tail (parsons nose), cut through the knuckle at the end of both legs (when the bird cooks, the flesh will pull back from the bone, rather than ripping) trim any excess skin round both ends, cleaning up the neck and remove the wish bone. This is a little fiddly and might take a few chickens to get right, but makes the carving of the bird a whole lot easier.  Then take both wings right off between the first and second section. Now you can carve and present the breast on the bone which makes it look a lot better. It also means that both wings can be used as a trivet and will caramelise under the bird to help create a richer, meatier gravy.

Insert half a lemon or half an onion up the birds chuff.

Smear with lots of butter and season with lots of salt and pepper. Add a couple of peeled carrots, a whole onion quartered (washed... but skin on...) and some whole un-peeled garlic gloves. Also what ever fresh herb you have... thyme being the absolute favourite. I often also sprinkle a few cumin seeds over the bird as well.

Bung in the over for 20 minutes at about 220, then turn down for about another 40 at 170-ish. Check that is cooked by pricking the legs and making sure the juices run clear. Let the bird stand for at least ten minutes uncovered.

Make the gravy in the pan... gravy is a whole different post.

Rubbish Dishwasher

Not so long ago we bought a new dish washer because although I love cooking I'm less keen on washing up. Like a wayward child it has been nothing but a disappointment. To be frank... It's rubbish. Good kitchen kit is worth it's weight... Bad stuff is just a pain and an annoyance. Do yourself a favour and give this brand of Siemens dishwasher a miss.

Masterchef New Zealand

In the never ending advance of Masterchef across the globe, the latest version to hit the screens in the UK is from New Zealand.

Really like the UK version, totally loved the Oz re-boot and have yet to see the Ramsay fronted US take.

Masterchef New Zealand is still at the audition stage so there is the usual parade of hapless idiots who clearly can't cook and probably should be banned from ever entering a kitchen again - last night featured asparagus dipped in chocolate. The judges seem well cast... there is the fat jolly one and the thin, slightly scary one... but how on earth did Ross Burden manage to creep into the mix?

Did the producers feel that they needed to supplement their two otherwise presumably perfectly well qualified judges with a housewives favourite gone to seed? And when did he start doing a full time Tony Hadley from Spandau Ballet impression?

I'm sure it will be a grower and I'll be hooked after a few episodes but at the moment... not sure.

Masterchef New Zealand is on Watch.

Roast Chicken

NOT the chicken I cooked yesterday. This is a stunt chicken.

The chicken from Riverford was pretty good.

Although I have to admit that I probably didn't give it the love that it deserved. Yesterday was very much a 'sunday afternoon' day. Nothing really happened, the weather was rubbish and everybody and everything seemed out of sorts and slightly off key.

But I promised my wife a roast chicken and that is exactly what she got. With roast potatoes and roast carrots. And a red wine and onion gravy. A one pot roast which, actually, was pretty damn nice when it was served in a big bowl and eaten in front of the TV. A lazy mans Sunday dinner.

Perfect Roast Potatoes

A while back I promised to share my Perfect Roast Potatoes... something that took a great deal of research and a fair few spuds to finally achieve. 


A bit like the mash, there isn't any real great secret to a good roastie and it all starts with the right potato. King Edwards or Desiree work well.


Peel and cut. I think it works best cutting along the longest length of the spud to increase the amount of surface area... the more surface area you have the crispier the roastie should be. 


Boil in plenty of very salted water until they are just about to fall apart. Time to be brave... you want them to be on the very verge... But leave it too long and you'll end up with potato soup. 


Once you've let them go as absolutely as far as you feel you dare, gently drain them. Give them a gentle shake in the colander if you need to rough up the edges. And then set them aside to dry... the drier they are, the less moisture content (obviously) and the all the more crispy they will get. You can let them go cold, even put them in the fridge.


Get your oven hot. Very hot. And then on the hob, using your heaviest bottomed frying pan, fry the potatoes in small batches of a few at a time in quite a thick layer of olive oil. You don't have to fry them hard, just enough to get a golden colour started on all sides. Set each batch aside on kitchen paper to stop them getting too greasy and season as you go. If you cover them you can get to this stage well in advance of needing to put them in the oven.


Put them in a hot pan in the oven, with another sprinkle of olive oil, a couple of unpeeled garlic gloves and a sprig of rosemary. Turn half way through cooking. 40 mins or so later they should be perfect and very crispy. And they are pretty unforgiving, so will keep warm in a low oven if you need an extra 10 or 15 mins to get everything else done.

Meat

I am not the most organised of people. Whatever I do I tend to leave it to the last minute, partly because I enjoy the stress and pressure of a deadline, but also because I think... that's just the way I am. Post remains unopened, bills unpaid, tax unreturned. It gets done... but just at the last moment. I suppose that shows a certain arrogance that everything will wait for me.


I like to think it's an artistic streak... but I guess it's just being disorganised. 


Same with cooking. I'm not great at planning a week of menu's, shopping and then cooking to the plan. I like to just wing it and see what I fancy on any particular day, what looks good in the shop or market. 


But in an attempt to be a little more organised, and to cut the cost of shopping for every meal, we decided to order a organic meat box from Riverford Organic. http://www.riverford.co.uk/

We went for the small box, £50 and claiming to feed to adults for up to a fortnight. And this was what was in it...

• pork loin joint 1 kg
• pork + basil sausages 450g
• back bacon 250g
• turkey burgers 440g
• beef grilling steak 440g
• minced beef 450g
• lamb chops 450g
• whole chicken 1.6 kg

Have to say, it all looked very good and, although I hate seeing meat wrapped in plastic, seemed butcher fresh. 

Not sure you'd really get a fortnights worth of food out of it. Partly because the steak, sausages, burgers, mince and chicken had all to be eaten by the 7th (Monday) the lamb the day after that and the pork by the 13th. So given that the delivery arrived on the 3rd... Hmmm... that's more like 6 days of rather intensive meat eating than a fortnight.

If you knock the bacon out of the equation as purely for breakfast, you are left with 7 meals. Which for two people comes out at about £3.50 a head as a main ingredient. A little high maybe. Even if you add the bacon in as a meal, which at 7 slices of very good back bacon, it could be and manage to squeeze a second meal out of the rather small chicken, you are still looking at £2.77 per head for the main ingredient. 


Is it worth it? Yes. Yes, it is.


Sure a Waitrose home brand, ready meal lasagne for 2 is £3.29, or £1.64 a head... but a ready meal is a ready meal... good organic meat is a different thing entirely. If you are going to buy good quality organic meat you really should expect to pay a little more. 


There is too much cheap meat on sale in supermarkets and cheap meat is not good for any sense of a balanced diet. So is £2.77 a head worth it? Is £3.50 a head worth it? I think so... in fact it's a pretty damn good price. 


You can buy a whole chicken at Tesco online for £2.12. Just because you can... doesn't mean you should. 

So far we've had the Turkey Burgers (surprisingly moist - kids would love them), the bacon, the steak and the mince. All really good... the mince made a pretty stunning Cottage Pie with everything else so far being cooked off pretty simply. Today is the test... today is chicken day. 

Rick Stein

I know I haven't posted for a few days... Not that it really matters, no one is reading this. I'll do a proper update tomorrow. But just watching Rick Stein on Good Food channel. The Fruits of the Sea series I think. A great chef and a great communicator. I've seen all his shows many, many times over first on the BBC then on Good Food, they are like sitting with an old friend and sharing a glass of wine and talking endlessly about ingredients, cooking and eating. Food TV can be pretty hit and miss... But a half hour spent with Mr Stein is always time well spent.

The Perfect Herb Mashed Potato

I realise I didn't post how to make this... it's pretty simple. 


First make a herb butter. Add salt, pepper, a bunch of parsley (including the stalks), a good amount of rosemary and thyme into a hand blender. Add some cubed cold butter, about half a pack and a splash of olive oil. 


Blend and blend and blend until you have a smooth light green creamed butter. 


Put in the fridge to harden.


Make your mash as normal including adding butter and seasoning. Never stint on the butter or the salt. 


Before serving heat the herb butter up, melting it all down in a pan which also ensures that you cook out the woodier herbs. Once the butter is liquid fold through the mash, but don't work it too hard, it looks really nice if you let thick ribbons of herb buttery-ness form. 


You can do something similar with a watercress butter which is very good with beef.